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true confessions of an ambivalent caregiver book coverThe Personal Cost of Care

Author: Cindy Eastman In the spare 168 pages of True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver, Cindy Eastman dispels the myth of the exultant caretaker, blessed and honored to give up everything, to thwart desires and change routines, to take care of an aging, dependent parent. Eastman writes short essays during the four-year ordeal of caring for her dying father, who gradually becomes unable to take care of himself. Wishing to avoid the teary-eyed grief of after the fact, she writes in blunt prose about the feelings of the moment, the complications of duty, the inadequacy of care facilities, the state of American healthcare, and the harm of caregiving to the dependent relative, the family, and the individual carer. Eastman chose to take in her father, expecting that his death would be rapid. It wasn’t. She watched him deteriorate, physically and mentally, and dealt with the rampant ingratitude of someone suffering the inability to care for themselves, confronting the indignities of aging with its stripping of choices, of personhood, of privacy. It’s a complicated, self-repeating cycle, and Eastman was not without sympathy for her cantankerous father. At the same time, she admitted to longingly hoping that each nap would be his last. What works is the honesty here. Caretaking is not the Disney-fied moment the movies lovingly show. It is grueling. It changes everything. It raises feelings of resentment. It raises feelings of exhaustion, feelings of guilt, and a desire for a return to life – to YOUR life without the burden of another person’s around-the-clock care. It’s brutal, but it’s a truth that needs to be spoken, especially if any remedies are to be found for families suffering the brunt of caring for an aging loved one while also trying to raise children, hold down jobs, and find moments of peace in a hectic life filled with medical catastrophes and memory loss related arguments.

The danger is that this self-neglect becomes normalized. So when the stress-induced migraines hit, or when an aching tooth turns into an emergency, it’s not just painful—it’s a reckoning. It’s the realization that you’ve been running on empty for too long. And in those moments of collapse, when pain demands to be noticed, there’s no room for waiting weeks to get help. That’s where support systems outside the family matter—like knowing that the emergency dentist of chicago is there, no judgment, no delay, just care. Because even though caregiving might mean putting others first, health crises don’t wait until your schedule opens up. They come crashing through the door at 3 a.m. after you’ve already cleaned up an accident, managed a meltdown, and made tomorrow’s doctor appointments. Access to immediate and empathetic care—whether it’s for a sudden dental infection or a cracked molar from grinding your teeth in your sleep—isn’t just about physical relief. It’s about validation. It’s about saying your pain matters too. That your well-being counts. And maybe, just maybe, it’s the first step back to reclaiming pieces of the life you sacrificed along the way.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

That breaking point—the moment when discomfort outweighs delay—can often spark a long-overdue return to self-care. Dental pain, especially when it disrupts sleep or daily function, becomes impossible to ignore. It’s more than a physical issue; it’s emotional, too. It reminds you that you’ve been putting yourself last for far too long. And in that moment, sitting in the chair, relief isn’t just about the absence of pain. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and cared for—often for the first time in a while.

For those dealing with long-term dental issues or missing teeth, restoration can feel like a second chance. Professionally made dentures in las vegas nv provide a durable, natural-looking solution that helps bring normalcy back into daily life. Eating a meal without discomfort, smiling without hesitation, and speaking without self-consciousness—all these simple joys become possible again. The right fit doesn’t just restore your bite; it restores your confidence.

Taking that first step toward comprehensive dental care can feel intimidating, especially after years of neglect. But the truth is, starting fresh isn’t a setback—it’s an act of strength. Whether it’s repairing a cracked tooth, managing chronic issues, or choosing full dentures, it’s never too late to put your well-being first. Your smile carries your story, and every effort to protect it is a step closer to living with greater ease, dignity, and self-assurance.

Yet, the honesty is brief, and the curtain remains mostly drawn, showing only curated, furtive glimpses. We see the bad moments, but never the good. What was her father like before this? What was their relationship like? There must have been more there (she did, after all, choose the sacrifice because she felt that every care facility was inadequate). We see the exhaustion, the irritation, the black thoughts, but only piecemeal. We’re left feeling like a lot remains behind the scenes, and we want more. The pages are scant, and there are a lot of moments of filler – grocery lists, pill lists, obits for slightly related people. The essays are often repetitious, and while that makes sense, because the cycle of love and resentment would necessarily be monotonous, readers still feel like we were shielded from most of this world, that we only got a few transitory, mostly polished moments out of four years – years which must have had ups and downs, dramatic moments and quite moments. We still don’t entirely understand how hard it was to live this way, how complicated and joyful letting go was, how Eastman dealt with the conflicting emotions and why she chose to keep her father with her. True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver is good in that it opens a window into a world we usually lie about and shatters the illusion of what it is really like to care for an aging relative. Yet, it only scratches the surface of a topic that deserves many more pages and a lot more sharing. As it is, this book is small, peripheral, negative without being fully poignant, and surprisingly guarded.   – Frances Carden Follow my reviews on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/xombie_mistress Follow my reviews on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/FrancesReviews

Frances Carden
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